


His

by MeredithMaybe



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Idk how to tag things, John is smol, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, alex is sad, im new to this ok???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 03:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11614545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithMaybe/pseuds/MeredithMaybe
Summary: Alex was recovering, until one day the person closest to him could no longer be there.if any scholastic writing and art judge people are here checking plagarism, i am in fact the same person who submitted this (with the names changed and edits made) to the art and writing thing





	His

Forty-seven days clean.

Unfortunately for Alex, though, thirty-three of those days had been before John left for college.

He knew that John had an obligation to his education; he had known that he would leave. But he could never had known the pain that he would feel when he was gone.

Alas, John, his dear Laurens, was not, in fact, his. That regret was one of the things that sent Alex over the edge. Of course, it was far from being the sole cause.

He had been dealing with trauma his whole life; his mother's death had a greater effect on him than any psychiatrists had expected, and if PTSD wasn't enough, on top of that his girlfriend of three years, Eliza, had recently ended it with him.

And so, he began to descend into the downward spiral through which his life was pulling him, so far down that it began to feel normal. Drinking, apathy, and his self destructive nature had numbed him to the reality that his life was crumbling around him.

That was, until John came along. They had become friends almost instantly, laughing and chatting about nonsense for hours at a time. They were each other's shoulder to cry on, plus one to events, and much more. 

But then he was gone.

John had promised to call every day, or at least most days, but there Alex was, two weeks after his best friend had left, with none of his calls answered and none of his texts responded to.

He couldn't take the distance; he couldn't stand how much he missed John, so he had packed up and decided to visit him for the weekend. But, as was a common occurrence for Alex, self-doubt had gotten in the way of his plans. He was sure John had found someone better, someone funnier, someone  _less broken_. He knew John hadn't been calling because once they has seen how much better off they were without him, who would ever want to go back to Alex?

So that was how he ended up there, sitting in a crappy booth at a highway rest stop at the crack of dawn, cheap booze from a nearby liquor store sloshing around in its bottle as he lazily spun it on the table.

He was sick of being everyone's last choice, of never being the best friend, of being so  _alone_.

The last thought that crossed his mind as he lifted the bottle to his lips, feeling the amber liquid burn his throat, was that he hoped John was happy with whoever had replaced him.

Zero days clean.

He was sure he must have imagined what happened next, though; the long swig of alcohol must have triggered his hallucinations.

"Why the fuck are you sitting at a highway rest stop at five a.m. chugging a bottle of whiskey?" an all-too-familiar man asked, sliding into the seat across from him.

Alex lowered his head to confirm who the voice belonged to, and nearly dropped the bottle. He sharply inhaled upon seeing his best friend, but unfortunately he was inhaling more than just air.

He keeled over in a coughing fit, trying to cleanse his lungs of the burning liquor as he set the near-empty bottle down.

"None of your business," he croaked when he regained his breath, keeping his head down so as to hide his puffy, tear streaked face.

"Lex, if you know anything about me, you should know by now that whether or not it's my business, I'm going to make it my business," John joked, "Now can you start by telling me what you're doing here?"

"I was passing through," he lied.

"You live in New York. We're in South Carolina."

"I was coming to visit you, alright?" the shorter man snapped, raising his head to look his friend in the eye.

For a moment, all John could do was sit there, stunned, before asking in a hushed voice, "Have you been crying?"

Alex couldn't bring himself to respond, because he was sure he would end up spilling everything and John would see how broken he was, how needy, and leave once and for all. He couldn't speak. Still, John was expecting an answer.

"Alexander?" he asked, his voice hardly above a whisper.

"No," he managed to croak out, but it turned out he had been right not to trust his voice, as just that word had sent more tears spilling down his cheeks. That was when John stood, and Alex felt his heart shatter as he buried his face in his hands. John was gone; another person had left him without so much as a goodbye.

A choked sob shook his body, and he couldn't imagine why John had come to talk to him in the first place. Why would he want to come sit by him? And then just to leave when he broke down?

You can imagine Alex's confusion when an arm wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm body, his head laid on a shoulder that he had soaked with tears so many times in the past. He raised his head slightly to see his best friend, to ask why he hadn't just left, but the words were stuck in his throat as he saw John's face, eyebrows furrowed with concern, a small frown sitting on his lips.

"Alex... why are you crying?" he asked, and that only sent Alex into another fit as all his insecurities and anxiety from the night of driving washed over him again.

"Hey, hey shh... c'mere." John enveloped Alex in his embrace as he pulled him into his lap, hugging his head into his chest. Alex knew what a fool he looked like, what a mess he had become, but he couldn't help it. John made him helpless.

They sat like that for a few moments, John whispering condolences to the smaller man and just patiently waiting for his tears to stop. He didn't care how long it took, but he wouldn't have Alex crying alone there. He  _couldn't_.

The flow of tears began to slow, Alex stopped shaking, and John had a million questions.

"Are you ready to talk to me?" he whispered down to him. Alex only nodded, again not trusting his voice. "Why are you crying? And what the hell drove you to drinking again? You were getting better."

"You never called," he mumbled, and could head John's sharp inhale with his head pressed up against his chest.

"I did this?" John asked, before he had resigned himself to the reality of Alex's words, and repeated, "I did this." It was enough to bring John to the verge of tears as well.

"Oh, Lex, I'm so sorry, I would've called, I swear, but some asshole spilled beer on my phone the first night I was here. I was at a party; I put it down for five seconds," he explained frantically, his voice shaking, "Shit, Lexi, I'm so sorry."

"Y-you had meant to call?" Alex asked quietly, a hopeful look in his eyes as he raised his head to look at John. He could see the truth in the honey-brown eyes above him as John nodded.

"Of course I did. You're my best friend; I would never just abandon you," he said, a comforting smile gracing his lips. Alex couldn't help but wince slightly at the word 'friend', but that was all he would ever be to John. At least he was still his friend.

"Now I feel stupid," Alex mumbled, looking down.

"No need; this is all my fault." John pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Alex's head, and instantly turned bright red. Alex couldn't see him though, and was more concerned about John seeing his red face.

"Hey, so what are you doing here anyway?" John asked.

Alex sighed, returning to the sadness the previous night had caused him. "I was on my way to visit you."

"Really?"

"I missed you," he mumbled.

"I missed you too, that's why I'm here with my car loaded with clothes about to start the trip to your place," John informed him with a small smile, "How'd you end up here, though?"

"Well, I-I was in the car, on my way, and I was j-just alone for so long in the car, that m-my mind wandered, a-and I started thinking about why you h-hadn't called." Alex's voice had begun to shake, and though John was pretending not to notice, he knew his friend was on the verge of tears.

"And I guess I thought y-you didn't want a-anything to d-do with me, o-otherwise you would've called, and s-so I stopped driving. I found a ch-cheap liquor store a-and bought something to-" he swallowed hard "-to take m-my m-mind off it. S-so I'm here," he said weakly, tears swimming in his eyes, blurring his vision.

John also had tears beginning to sting the corners of his eyes, and wasn't sure what to do. "Alex, I always want to see you. I'll always want you. Don't ever forget that, okay? Visit me anytime you like. You won't ever lose me, no matter how long I'm gone. I-I'll get a new phone and call every day, or we can set up skype and video call, I don't care, I just want to talk to you, Lexi."

Alex hadn't meant to say it out loud. He had only been thinking about how lucky he was to have John, even if he only wanted to be his friend; he was thinking about how great he was, about how much-- "I love you."

He had hardly said it above a whisper. He hadn't even realized that he wasn't still just thinking it until he heard John's heart begin to pound.

"You... love me?" John repeated weakly. Alex looked up at him, afraid to see his face, and couldn't read his expression. Naturally, his first reaction was to backpedal.

"I-I-I d-didn't mean... I j-just-- y-you--" Luckily for Alex, his stuttering was quickly cut off by the only thing that likely could've comforted him in that moment. John's lips on his.

Initially, he was just shocked, and tensed up with his face cupped in John's hands, but quickly relaxed. He hadn't made a fool of himself, for the first time in forever. His arms soon found their way around John's neck, and Alex only pulled away when he needed air.

Dopey grins adorned both of their faces, even if Alex's was mostly out of relief. John's thumb ran over Alex's soft cheek, resting finally on his bottom lip as he pressed their foreheads together.

"I love you too."

That was all it took to make Alex bring his face back up to John's pulling him in for another kiss, one where he could fully appreciate the feeling of John's stray hairs brushing his forehead, of John's lips on his, and of the fire this was setting off within him. When they finally pulled away again, Alex gave him a cheeky grin.

"Does this mean I can stay with you for the weekend?"

"Whenever you want, baby," John murmured.

"And we're already at the 'baby' phase? I dunno, Laurens, you're moving a bit too quickly for me," Alex chuckled.

"You talk too much," John said, pressing another short kiss to his... boyfriend? Crush? His... Alex.

Alex was his.


End file.
